GoGirls - girls on the go!

Hospital Tour

2009-02-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

At the break of dawn I got up and got ready to go to British Columbia’s oldest hospital, St. Paul’s Hospital. I took Translink as my commute, it was quite relaxing. Once I got off the skytrain I didn’t know which direction to walk in, so i asked the 24 hour newspaper guy to give me directions. So there I am walking in the core of downtown in the dark; I walked at least eight blocks and I started to wonder where this place is. Thankfully I found a sign that had the capital H and followed it to the hospital entrance. Once I entered the doors of the hospital with my fashionable scrubs on I heard the blow horn signalling me that this is the beginning of my journey as a nurse. There is no turning back. I walked down the hall with anxiety and uncertainty pulling me back out the door but had excitement and pure adrenalin pulling me further down the hall with greater force. So there I was with a nervous smirk on my face but I kept walking.

A piece of equipment I found very interesting was the internal tube system. How it works is a nurse sends a tube with certain medications, equipment or paperwork to a specific unit by punching in a code and the tube is suctioned to the unit. It reminded me of something in a scifi movie. It was so cool.

We went to so many different units and met a few nurses. One thing that stuck out to me was this one nurse was so mechanical by having to do so many things and then the next minute when he was with a patient he became human again. I've always heard nursing is a draining career but i finally saw it.

Overall, the hospital tour has opened my eyes to parts of the hospital I had never seen. Also it aided me in being able to connect and correlate what I learn in books and practical to the working field. Last but not least, the tour has given me the ability to become more self -aware and self knowledgeable of what I need to do personally at an emotional and physical level to be able to provide adequate care.

Feminism

2008-11-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today i met the most inspiring women! All potrayed the utmost strength. Strength that came after oppression. This strength is the strength that lasts forever. Yes, it is unfortunate that sometimes the inner power within us comes only after great sufferage but when it does it comes full on.

There was a forum today at school on South Asian women on Violence: Resisting and Speaking out. And there were 2 women who rose out of oppression and finally spoke out, thier main goal being to carve out a path for us young women to follow along and walk with them. To believe that we can stand straight and that we must reach our full potentials. I sat there listening and crying not out of feeling sorry for Vicki Waters or Gurjeet Ghuman but the pride and privalege i felt of having these strong women speak in front of me. I was there celebrating their accomplishments and that of many other women.

One of the things that was said by Sunera Thobani that has stuck with me is that "i did not learn to be a feminist from a white woman". And that makes so much sense. I learned to be a feminist by my own surroundings and experiences-from the experience of being first generation Indo-Canadian! People of my own culture may say that my thoughts are western but i would say that no my thoughts come from questioning. Questioning both cultures, because i am both cultures. However the bigger question is who defines what is western or south asian? Who defines me as culturally different?

It has been a long time

2008-09-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

Well I am back to blogging. (it sorta kinda has turned into a personal diary). Anyways I am back in school and it is going ok. I am taking this class the sociology of family and it is pretty good. So far it seems like the obvious stuff (stereotypical stuff) but I took this class for a way for not just me but my classmates and maybe teacher to challenge the traditional more nuclear ways of finding a mate and creating a family. Because alot more people find the more modern ways more favourble. I would say I am alot more traditional with my views on the family and sometimes people may find that narrow minded or oldschool. But families are a very personal institute of society and i want to stay traditional I feel it is more stable (personally). The class will be interesting hopefully there will be alot of back and forth dialogue.

Hawa! Don't think i forgot you. How is Uganda? The place, the food, the people espeacially the youth. I wanna know. keep me posted.
I am also challenging the rest of the gogirls to start their blogging by next year. I am giving you women alot of time so better get to it.

The Art of Being Unseen

2008-05-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

On my quest of finding a space for myself and my sister to reside I hit upon an interesting predicament. The “white voice” I’ve perfected over the telephone only seems to go so far before the color of my skin and gender begins to raise some pertinent questions to the owner of the house interested in leasing or renting the bottom half of their suites. And therein lies the problem. The search for a place is much more difficult because the glass ceiling that says I should still be living in Surrey exists. Its an unfriendly existence. I throw jagged rocks at it and persist in trying to decimate it with my ineffectual fists. The results are lengthy exaggerated attempts to belittle me and question me about my job, my volunteering and my life. I can guarantee rent every month, so why is there a problem? There seems to be little cooperation in that regard and all those preppy Yale towners who are “settling” for Main irritate my soul. They look as if they can afford it, but then again so do I. But the subtle stereotyping of the color of my skin belies any actual information. Because I exist as a black female (despite my professional sounding job title and persistent community involvement, which on a side note is as disgraceful as I am, noting the racialized and aboriginal girls it caters to) Might I add that the preppy yale towners who I should notably refer to as the white girls, think they are in the minority despite the fact that they overwhelming reside in the places where if wishes were reality I would be living. Not because of any preconceived notion that is the glass ceiling I should be reaching but because of its damned convenience to the places I work! So. Despite higher than average working environments, workaholic behavior patterns a sweet demeanour and friendliness towards neighbours, I am not a suitable candidate for a place that looks to be above my financial constrictions.

Life is a beautiful wondrous, extremely frusturating thing.

On a lighter note, a weekend away from the city. How great!

Old man is snoring

2008-04-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

The weather is driving me crazy. I am so sick i bearly slept last night and i'm really really tired. When is the SUN coming out?

Well i dont really have anything else to rant about.

O new episodes of Gossip Girls is coming back. Hawa I don't know if you are going to watch it but i surely will be deconstructing every scene. It will be filled with stereotypes and gender distinctions and stratification. Get your Bitch Cap on. LOL

Love Ya All

XOXO

my space

2008-04-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

I really need someone right now. I just went through the most embarrassing moment of my life. It's not the usual stupid funny embarrassing i mean i am scared for life embarrassing. We were having a debate in my sociology class and my group nominated me to speak. And i told them so many times that i don't want to do it and they made me because no one else was volunteering. So i went up right wen i got up there my stomach was turning, i felt like barfing, i was sweating like it's 40 degrees out, i was shaking and i could not think straight. I was so scared and so nervous. I said one line and i just stared at the class. I couldn't do it i just couldn't. I just went back to my seat and another girl from my group went up. I feel so stupid. I let my group down and most importantly myself. I couldn't bare staying till the end of class. I felt like I was no in a safe place. And now I finally came to the conclusion of why i didn't like the atmosphere of that class. IT WAS NOT A SAFE SPACE. I never felt fully confident in that class. My weakness of the English language got in the way. Everyone in class uses such strong, intellectual language i felt inferior. I always felt little because i couldn't get my points/views across because of language. Today i truly felt racialized. Today i truly felt dumb. Today i truly felt ashamed. Today I truly realize how important a safe space is.

I just really need the GGs right now.

In Brands We Trust

2008-04-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

In my sociology class of pop culture we have been talking about ideologies being imposed on consumers through various systems (commercials, print ads, books, movies...) . It is like where ever we go we are being manipulated into believing or even not believing into something. And it is so bizarre that we put so much meaning into something as simple as an ambiguous symbol. Or is it that the producers are implanting the meaning in us? This whole concept is so confusing. So what really are brands? Is it a simple product, a symbol, or a solution to our problems, the little push we need to raise our confidence, the dreams we want to reach. Are they a symbol or a manipulative message? Is there a way of escaping any form of branding? Because if we do try to escape branding we are still being affected and influenced by it.

So shocked I can't speak

2008-03-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

Hey Hawa

Something like that did happen to me. Well I was on my break at work and this older woman was telling this younger guy that she is going to go to an islamic wedding. The older woman says that it'll be interesting because she has never been to one. The younger guy replys by saying they don't drink alcohal so what kind of a wedding is that going to be. And he said it in a way like he was superior or something. And I just sat there. I didn't know if i should reply or not. And then later on in my head im like i should have said this or that but obviously the moment had passed. But you would think that anyone would just stand up but then when the moment comes you're just so stunned that people would say such racial comments and blank.

And i think you should post some of your poem on the blog i would love to read them

Hey Sabs!!

2008-03-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

Heyy Sabs I'm riggght here!

I haven't had anything to talk about for a while and laziness over the weekend probably contributed to that a little. I'm stoked. I feel like my life has gone up and down in the last couple of weeks and finally finally I'm some kind of a path. (More details Saturday). I've been in this period of transition and thinking about relationships as well, healthy ones and not so healthy ones, ending some then regretting it, and cultivating others. See what I mean about being everywhere?

I've been writing more, just poetry, finishing chapters of my book so at least I'm getting something from all this confusion.

So why am I here? Well... here's the thing... Someone said something at work the other day that made me upset and I completely clammed up, I couldn't respond and if that situation had been anywhere else I would have.

We were talking about that recent debactle down in Abbotsford and how that teenage boy got run down (on purpose) by another driver. And she said something along the lines of "Well if 'they' can't behave in our country we should just kick them out, and send our guys to prison."

Yeah... I stopped talking to her for the rest of the day just because I didn't know how to deal with it, and I just saw it as an elephant in the room. I'm sure she had no idea (or maybe she did...) why I was suddenly so cold.

My question: what would you have said or done, or how would you have reacted? I guess I just want to hear what you think. Was it even that offensive?

OH and sabs!

I forgot to write after I read your entry about the courier! I read it so many times, it was touching and it made me really appreciate (really appreciate not just saying that) my role within GoGirls and all of you. I don't know what life would have been like without GoGirls. And Breakfast TV was great! I'll share more with everyone on Saturday... can't wait!

???

2008-03-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Where is everyone?!? I am guessing lost in the demanding world of school and work. I suggest for all y'all to relax, take a chill pill. Well, I went skiing for the very first time on Friday. I came home with really bad bruises. Besides all the blue it was sooooo much fun. I think it is something we all shoud do together. It really tests your patience. Well I better get back to my demanding world. Hope to hear from someone soon.

Importance

2008-03-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

well, all of you know that i gave an interview for the Courier newspaper. I sounded like a child but besides that it allowed me to really sink in the many amazing things I have done with the GoGirls: the photo exhibit, the awesome research on Intersectionality and having such a big role as co-researchers, having our own session at the Urban Youth Forum and recently the Feminist Happy Hour. So that rakes in so many achievements that in some way has contirbuted to the community. There is absolutely nothing I could be more proud of. I have a diary and in it I have wrote all the things i want to do atleast once in my life and in comparison to what i have actually done all those things seem so stupid (you guys don't want to know). I never imagined any of the things that I have done and don't think I can imagine the things still left to do. Andrea always told us that we are "a big deal" that we are known and want to be known. I guess we don't realize the affect we have. In a way I think we take GoGirls for granted and don't realize what it has done for every single one of us.
So when the interviewer asked me where I would be if I didn't have the GGs. I seriously didn't know how to answer that. I wouldn't be the open minded person I am today, I wouldn't be the critical thinker I am today, I wouldn't be the self-fulfilled person I am today. Simply, I wouldn't be me. I would be lost. So when the reporter asked me that, I was speechless. It's like asking a mother what she would do if she didn't have her children. There is no way of answering.

I LOVE being a GoGirl and I will ALWAYS be a GoGirl!

Another thing I would like to add to my list of achievments is to be an Andrea to another girl like Sabiha.

Besides all that, Hawa I don't think making peace with people before you leave for your journey is selling yourself out. I think it is actually a good idea. It just means that you want to come to even grounds with people you other wise are not. That doesn't mean you have to change your position of where you stand or take back what you have said. It just simply means to make peace. I think that making peace with people, situations and even yourself is a movment to self satisfaction. To be happy with who and what you are.

now, now don't shower me with praise i know I am wise. LOL!

O YAH

2008-03-07T14:29:00.001-08:00

O YAH!!! "[SAB] IS BACK. BACK AGAIN. [SAB] IS BACK TELL A FRIEND." IN THE WISE AND SIMPLE WORDS OF SLIM SHADY. LOL. I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM. But anyways nothing is really on my mind, so now that im bak it won't be too long before i blog again.

Just need an ear, do you have one to spare?

2008-02-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

so it is super late and instead of sleeping like what normal people do about this time, I find myself awake and searching for a solution to the most basic of all problems. Or most basic for me at the moment anyway.

I'm struggling with this re-creation of myself... and how it drastically affects the relationships I have around me. The ball-busting Hawa that told you what was what seems to be taking flight under the Hawa that just wants to make peace with everyone before she takes off to parts unknown, but I'm not feeling satisfied. I'm feeling a little less than the person I always am just to satisfy this need I have to have everyone comfortable before I leave, and the need is unjustified because why SHOULD everyone be subjected to a different me? I made a pledge to myself to be true to the person that I am, but I'm twisting it so it only fits for while I'm travelling, what does that matter though really?? I'm walking around being half of what I am so that when I'm abroad I'm 100% real.

I hate to admit it but I'm selling out and I'm going to admit what at this point very few people have realized. Giving away the possessions I hold that so clearly express me (or so I thought) is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. And that automatically makes me question the confidence and self-worth I usually give myself. Have I spent all this time happy with the way I am because of the way I looked???????

Giving away the clothing that you use to define yourself makes you question who you are. Without the object giving you meaning by its blatant ability to make people go "WOW there goes _____" you feel a little berefit. How do you give away the things that you know you don't need and still retain a little bit of you in the process?????????

I'm learning here.. I know it... but it doesn't feel like learning yet. It feels a great deal confusing and makes me feel a little empty....

So just hear me out okay?

2008-01-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

I hate to say it sabs but I got a little lucky in the way I was raised, my mom pretty much did it herself and therefore I got a lot more exposure to the "canadian" culture than I did to the Somalian one. So even when I go visit my dad's side of the family I don't pay attention to this honour system. But its there nonetheless and I see it mostly in my cousins, I dont know if this makes me qualified to comment about it though because I don't truly UNDERSTAND it. fair?

I'm all down for discussing gender roles though.... when am I not? hahah.

I think that as a society... western world, eastern world, global world, women turn their back on women. And yes that is a huge generalization. But seriously lets think about it, we are quicker to shut down our women allies then we are the men. I'm guilty of it! I don't understand it... but I don't it mostly subconciously... maybe its that competition thing... but that just leads us back to who/what are we competing for? And thats a whole other can of worms...

any thoughts?

Honour System

2008-01-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

Well it sucks we can't go to the play but maybe we can start our own discussion on the honour system. Have you ever experienced or witnessed a women being the honour of the family? That the woman is the one to blame when the family faces shame. If someone says to me that I am the honour of the family i get a satisfaction that i have a role or importance but that honour can be taken a way in a snap therefore, how much of an importance do i really have. Why is it that a woman has to go to the end of the world to prove innocence or just simply have her say, yet a male just states what's on his mind and it is believed whether it is true or false? It irritates me so much. And another thing that pisses me off is that sometimes other fellow women of the family turn their heads on the blamed lady because the honour system is so blinding that you don't see the woman's emotions you just see the pointless emotions that the outside world has towards your family. WHY! I 'm so annoyed I don't even know if I'm even making sense.

Media These Days... Or has it always been this way?

2008-01-15T10:37:00.000-08:00

Ok so the unfortunate truth is that stereotypes are easily recognized and relatable even if they are degrading or have negative connotations, I think T.V. shows are the way they are because that's what entertainment is. Sex has always sold from the 5os and maybe even before and today the sex appeal method has sky rocketed. Even if there is no sexual content people on their own make their own sexual meaning of it. Common everyday objects have become sex toys- that is today's culture-Today's Popular Culture.

Big words! Why do you think i stay away!

This is why WE'RE hot.

2008-01-14T16:23:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

SO FRIDAY NIGHT WAS A BLASTTTTT! Singing and dancing with you freakshows is always pure entertainment. Thanks, and Happy B-Day again Moe!!!!

Okay so Sabs, that gossip girl thing still has me thinking, how come we can't have escapism tv that gives us positive role models, I get what you mean though, I turn on Friends and Gilmore Girls and block off the stereotypes and just watch the show to tune out from the world, but why does media have to be like that?

I tried the sister thing at our last family dinner, and everyone told me to shut it, they liked the show. How's that for family love. pffft. Anyways I think it makes my little sisters a little uncomfortable to question the choices they make they are still at that teen stage where they LIKE to be right, and older sister is an idiot for telling them they are wrong. I hope they get it.

Another thing, Dollarama now sells pregnancy tests.... and I've seen TONS of 16-18 year old girls buying them.... I'm thinking its that whole TV subconcious thing. What do you think???

OKAY MY MAIN QUESTION FOR TODAY. (besides what is written above) Why are all those blogs/ internet sites meant for youth to participate not very language friendly? Meaning, BIG WORDS BLOCK ME FROM UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE ARE SAYING...

This is why I love the GoGirls, we're all these super smart characters, and we don't have to sound smart to get our points across. So thanks ladies, thanks for using simple words. ;)

Gossip, Gossip, Gossip (Not so guilty pleasure)

2008-01-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

I've been watching Gossip Girls from the first episode and i like it. If we talk about last episode it was de-womanizing (is that a real word?). Interesting how it's only the girls who get shamed on this show after sex... Yet for Chuck ( the chauvinistic pig) gets credit or another gold star to add to his "she lost her virginity to me" pile. Another thing that gets to me is that these people are playing high school students and it scares me about the exposure of so much sex. THESE ARE 15,16,17 YEAR OLDS HAVING SEX. I don't want to be too coservative I do konw that teens are having sex but it still kinda makes it wrong. They just show it like it's no big deal. But to be honest i forget half the time that they are high school kids. Hopefully the teens watching it forget that too. And when it comes to social groupings that is an obvious part of high school and teenage life. We'll see what kind of judgement Jenny will make become the bitchy leader that Blaire was or turn her back on the elite group to just simply be a nice person.

With all these negative aspects put aside, there are good parts:

display of loyal friendship
display of the strength of "keep on keepin on" when times get tough
display of second chances
a way of observing these social dysfunctions and being able to think critically and realistically.

In the end Gossip Girls is the kind of TV that the word “escapism” was invented to describe. It won’t make you smarter, it won’t enrich your life… but man, are you gonna have fun.

And when it comes to younger sisters, what i usually do is talk about it with my little sister of what she thinks about the situations of the characters and if she can make a connection to her life in school. It kind of starts to get her critically thinking too.

I just felt like playing with a little colour. LOL

Gossip Girls, my highly opinionated thoughts.

2008-01-09T22:20:00.001-08:00

Okay, so for the first time since hearing about and avoiding the show, I went into my mom's living room on a Tuesday night and decided to find out what my little sisters found so interesting about this show.

I didn't get it.

I saw a bunch of rich white spoiled 15,16,17 year old kids, getting pregnant and covering it up, making out with boys, showing a lack of self confidence and self esteem, whining bitching and moaning about how life without their boy of choice wasn't fair. I saw young boys learning how to shut women down, begin new chauvinistic behaviours at 15 and learn to further abuse a system that already caters to them.

So forgive me if I don't understand the allure of shows such as ONE TREE HILL, GOSSIP GIRLS and THE HILLS for the reasons listed above. I want these major networks to put on shows that first show me a little diversity so I can appreciate the actors/actresses up on the screen, show me a real female role model, one I don't have to pay $10 at a theatre far from my house to watch in 3 year intervals. Give me storylines that represent my reality and some goddamn laughter that relates to my sense of humor.

And what freaks me out the most is this is the show where my younger sisters are learning many life lessons, some for the very first time. Sexual Health, Racism, Discrimination are terms that are being completely mangled and destroyed by a television show that only has its ratings in mind.

That's a little terrifying.....

where is everyone...?

2008-01-06T21:06:00.000-08:00

where are you ppl? I've been visting the site every couple days to see if anyone has made a comment on Hawa's thought on free speech so i can feed off their idea because i like others dont know what is free in free speech. But I do know that Hawa you got your point across very nicely.

Opinions, every asshole has one.

2007-12-23T01:14:00.001-08:00

Hey y'alls I couldn't sleep so what better way to fill you in on my life than on this site hereeee? Sabs GOOD CALL ON THE MEETING THING I miss everyone, can we even do coffee???? k thanks :)

I'm really irritated with those facebook groups that are happening around "fuck islam/fuck judaism/ fuck christianity" the 'fuck islam' one strikes home for me because facebook creator, Mark Zuzenberg dude refuses to delete them, why? free speech is the reason. I call bullshit! I call HUGE PILES OF CRAP. (p.s. sorry about the swearing, I've gotten bad I know...) How come certain privileged people pull out free speech at their discretion and as long as free speech is sanctioned by heads of state, free speech away! You say something contrary to 'THEIR' beliefs and you get shut down faster than you can blink.

Fuck the American Senators - not tolerated, FUCK CAPITALISM - not tolerated, FUCK ISLAM? bring it on, we never liked those terrorists anyway. zing!

To be honest, its not the facebook groups I'm irritated about, facebook for the longest time has been promoting such groups as "Asian Drivers = No Survivors" and "Kill dem Niggas" so I wasn't expect much from a primarily white run corporation based online company (currently being sold for partial rights to google which owns almost everything by the way.)

The topic was free speech.... What is it? Who has it? Who controls it? What crazy-psycho CIA agent is reading my version of free speech at 1:23am this morning?

Because lets face it, we all know that free speech is just a phrase bandied about whenever someone wants to say something that they KNOW they shouldn't say because 1. it clearly shows a power-privilege bias or 2. it attacks personal and long held beliefs and values or 3. it's plain stupid. Free speech is not free speech... so that begs the following question, what the hell is it?

I sure as hell don't know.... any other takers?

2007-12-22T13:05:00.001-08:00

work is hard during Christmas time. I have all these ppl telling me what to do. When i listen to one person the other person says im not listening. I ONLY HAVE 1 PAIR OF ARMS, LEGS AND EARS! SHEESH! anyways i think we should get together sometime soon. just call me at home i lost my cell phone :(

just letting my intellect diarreah loose... LOL!

2007-12-20T21:03:00.000-08:00

well first i want to reply to Hawa's comment on Christmas. I think for eid parties to take place muslims themselves have to get off their ass and plan one. Eid is so blah that sometimes it is like just another day. Muslims have to be more excited about their own religious holiday. For Eid parties to be open to the public like co-workers or commuinites muslims have to take the initiative to plan and invite. Although making it as public as having every commercial sing Eid songs along with Christmas carols... that my friend is going to take a while. But if young males and females, non-muslims and muslims develope an intention then anything is possible. Dont worry I'll get my vocal cords ready. hahahah i just crack myself up.
well another thing that kinda got me thinking was a comment i heard on "the View", one of the ladies said that you cant call kids annoying anymore, that they either have some kind of problem such as ADD. Therefore what she means is that parents or elders are more lenient towards the child's otherwise annoying behaviour. What i think is annoying is ANNOYING! no excuses. (is that too harsh? Whatever my blog). If parents just punished children like any "normal" child with ADD or not then kids now a days would not be so disrespectful. So like yeah. I'd like to hear your guys' p.o.v on this or anything else.

Just a little strange...

2007-12-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

It almost seems a little strange, the fact that we won't be meeting for a couple of weeks! I hope everyone is doing well and that lives are running as smoothly as possible. I just wanted to rant a little about the holiday season (and maybe EID on Thursday?!? woot!) and its expectations because it makes me a little irritated to be honest.

My current spaz attack? CHRISTMAS PARTIES! I'm all for the holiday work party and get togethers where everyone relaxes and remembers to take a break but how come we can't have an EID PARTY or DIWALI CELEBRATIONS? .... in the middle of October? What happened to celebrating diversity in the workplace? Diversity only seems to exist in the form of the token "racialized" person in the room and that's every day, all the time! And yet I still find myself getting pumped for our work parties... I'm doing the double standard thing on myself, seriously not cool. So this year I accepted every single invitation I could find for parties that weren't the norm, starting with the all out muslim-bash tonight! ( And if you ask if Muslim people are "allowed" to party, as Sonia would say... "Get Shot") But still, the Christmas parties outweigh my choices. So, to participate in Secret Santa or not... What do you think?

2007-12-05T17:09:00.000-08:00

Hey Hawa!
good Idea....!!!
Overall... good day for me or week... I'm loving my new job.. I'm goin to stay for the nxt yr or so!!

You GO Girl!

2007-12-05T15:09:00.000-08:00

Just making sure that this is working and up! This is exciting! Finally a chance to say some things online and get us connected into cyberlization! :)